My Toxic Relationship With a Gaslighter
“I’m just saying, when your partner knows to press the right button to make you feel emotional about it, that’s where they would start playing with your mind and when you start to doubt your own perception, you are likely to buy into what they are telling you.
Way back then, I couldn’t point it out what was consuming the happiness out of me. I just knew when we were together, there was something odd...a heavy feeling from within that's telling me I shouldn't be here. I'm aware that there's no perfect relationship, but if you had any hesitations, doubts or feel confused, you should consider to rethink about what you really want. It would be a wise decision to trust your instinct cause there are things that our eyes couldn't see but our feelings could tell.
Back when he was still courting me, I already felt the pressure of his manipulation. It was a strategy that I failed to realized sooner.
It started when I rejected him through a text message. He wasn't satisfied on my excuses from a text message so I have to implied them to him over the phone. He still refused to accept them. I told him that I'm not ready to be in a relationship because I want to concentrate on my studies and that my parents doesn't want me to be in a relationship yet. But the truth is…there are more reasons to that but I just dont want to sound sarcastic in dumping him. He still refused to accept my excuses and wanted me to tell him those on his face. I dumped him several times but he remain persistent and not accepting "no" for an answer. I don't know, maybe he was just challenged or too coward to absorb that he got dumped. He’s a type who always got questions and twisted reasons ...I knew they were twisted cause he played being smart but he speaks the unwise and his reasons were always based from his own judgements. Smart alect to be exact! Playing smart for his own advantage. I knew he was wrong but he would make it sound he was right all the time. Arguing with him was difficult because he would just brush me and wouldn't stop insisting his point. At the end, I would just keep quiet and give in to his thoughts just to end the conversation.
I find him challenging to tamed. He has this pride driven personality. I used to look up to it somehow because I thought it's a strong personality for a man... a leader. But later I figured out it was all his insecurities! What's hiding behind his pride is a very insecure man who wanted attention and admiration. I wasn't even sure how it became us. I was guessing, it happened because I was being too polite not to hurt his ego and emotions. And for a fact that I was aware of his issues with his parents, he was always emotionally impacted with regrets and self pity whenever he talks of how his parents look down at him with disappointments, and how he jealous his siblings for being achievers.
For the wrong reasons, I let him enter my life. Giving bits of me and then I tend to give more. From the start of the relationship it was already rough. He’s insecure and hot headed. As time goes by he got through my mind. I started to believe what he’s telling about me. It came to a point that I even doubt my own feelings. I have to consult everything to him first. I even came to a point that I really lost my self confidence because he made me believe that I am nothing without him. He said if we will split up, no descent guy would come to pick me up.
I feel down most of the time. He’s not handsome or popular, as a matter of fact, my friends call him ogre cause of his size…but I couldn’t point it out why I can't just dump him afterall he had done. Oh yes he is slowly killing the real me.
All those times my thoughts, feelings and emotions were being manipulated but I was too blind to figure it out.
HE WAS A GASLIGHTER!
It takes too long for me to figure out the man that he is. He assumed so many roles in my life -a lover, adviser, confidant, knight and other else. But what he really is...is a Gaslighter who played through my ignorance on things about life. I don't deny I was naive in many things... it wasn't just so long ago when I started to come out of my shell to see the real world. And a person like him is one of the uncomely thing you'll encounter.
Way back then, I couldn’t point it out what was consuming the happiness out of me. I just knew when we were together, there was something odd...a heavy feeling from within that's telling me I shouldn't be here. I'm aware that there's no perfect relationship, but if you had any hesitations, doubts or feel confused, you should consider to rethink about what you really want. It would be a wise decision to trust your instinct cause there are things that our eyes couldn't see but our feelings could tell.
Back when he was still courting me, I already felt the pressure of his manipulation. It was a strategy that I failed to realized sooner.
It started when I rejected him through a text message. He wasn't satisfied on my excuses from a text message so I have to implied them to him over the phone. He still refused to accept them. I told him that I'm not ready to be in a relationship because I want to concentrate on my studies and that my parents doesn't want me to be in a relationship yet. But the truth is…there are more reasons to that but I just dont want to sound sarcastic in dumping him. He still refused to accept my excuses and wanted me to tell him those on his face. I dumped him several times but he remain persistent and not accepting "no" for an answer. I don't know, maybe he was just challenged or too coward to absorb that he got dumped. He’s a type who always got questions and twisted reasons ...I knew they were twisted cause he played being smart but he speaks the unwise and his reasons were always based from his own judgements. Smart alect to be exact! Playing smart for his own advantage. I knew he was wrong but he would make it sound he was right all the time. Arguing with him was difficult because he would just brush me and wouldn't stop insisting his point. At the end, I would just keep quiet and give in to his thoughts just to end the conversation.
I find him challenging to tamed. He has this pride driven personality. I used to look up to it somehow because I thought it's a strong personality for a man... a leader. But later I figured out it was all his insecurities! What's hiding behind his pride is a very insecure man who wanted attention and admiration. I wasn't even sure how it became us. I was guessing, it happened because I was being too polite not to hurt his ego and emotions. And for a fact that I was aware of his issues with his parents, he was always emotionally impacted with regrets and self pity whenever he talks of how his parents look down at him with disappointments, and how he jealous his siblings for being achievers.
For the wrong reasons, I let him enter my life. Giving bits of me and then I tend to give more. From the start of the relationship it was already rough. He’s insecure and hot headed. As time goes by he got through my mind. I started to believe what he’s telling about me. It came to a point that I even doubt my own feelings. I have to consult everything to him first. I even came to a point that I really lost my self confidence because he made me believe that I am nothing without him. He said if we will split up, no descent guy would come to pick me up.
I feel down most of the time. He’s not handsome or popular, as a matter of fact, my friends call him ogre cause of his size…but I couldn’t point it out why I can't just dump him afterall he had done. Oh yes he is slowly killing the real me.
All those times my thoughts, feelings and emotions were being manipulated but I was too blind to figure it out.
HE WAS A GASLIGHTER!
It takes too long for me to figure out the man that he is. He assumed so many roles in my life -a lover, adviser, confidant, knight and other else. But what he really is...is a Gaslighter who played through my ignorance on things about life. I don't deny I was naive in many things... it wasn't just so long ago when I started to come out of my shell to see the real world. And a person like him is one of the uncomely thing you'll encounter.
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